Teach Me How to Dogy Chapter 2: Fast Food Chicken

Teach Me How to Dogy! Teach Me~ Teach Me How to Dogy.

Aight, round one was a success. People asked, people received, people were happy. So now for round two. Something on a whole 'nother level, but very instruemntal in the world of learning how to Dogy.

Now, understand that chicken is very important in the world of Dogy. Not because I am black, and not because it is a stereotype. It's because chicken is pretty beast. I like all kinds of chicken. Fried. Baked. Wings. Thighs. Kentucky. Louisiana. Sesame. Teriyaki. Etc etc. There aren't many kinds of chicken I don't like (Chicken Saldas being one, fuck those shits.)


__

But this chapter is to break down a system I call "The Chicken Game." See, many people like to go out and get chicken sometime, cause well... again, chicken is good. It's everywhere. Mcdonalds, BK, Wendys, all those joints. But today, we're going to focus on chains that mainly sell chicken. I'm talking your KFCs, Churches, Popeyes, etc etc.

Now, you gotta understand, that every chicken resturant is NOT to same. No no, not at all. It is all the same to the untrained eye. To a person who does not have a clue about chicken, KFC is to Churches as McDs is to BK. I mean, they both main burgers, right? So those burgers have to be the same.

WRONG!

It don't work like that.

Each one of the chicken restrurants surprisingly excells in something that the others do not. And here, I will break it down to you.

__

#1: Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC)

Strength: Variety

KFC. The Ryu of Chicken. Everybody goes to damn KFC, and everybody knows KFC. Some people love KFC, but alot of people just blanket hate on it and go 'bout their business.

Whether you like KFC or not, here's one thing you have to step back and realize about it; Their menu is deep as fuck. Think about it. Most chicken places have what? Some chicken, side items, biscuits, and that's it. What all does KFC have? It has a whole squad of chicken.

Original, Crispy, Grilled (Read: Tender Roast... lol), Wings (plenty of wings, i actually 've never got wings from KFC), strips, popcorn chicken, tender wraps, sandwiches, double down, salad (ew), pot pies, the famous bowl (omg so gUd) etc etc. All that, and I haven't even TALKED about the sides and stuff (which is what people tend to think is the variety).

KFC has ALOT of frickin chicken to throw at you. It's kinda scary. And then on top of that, they do have a somewhat solid selection of side items (I personally like other places). To top it off, if you're lucky enough you may find an infamous KFC buffet. Those things have all sorts of random ass side items that you may have never tried in your life.

In the end, you have to respect KFC's mixup game. It's disgusting(ly good) how many times you can go to KFC and not get the same thing...
..aside from the obvious chicken. XD

#2: Church's Chicken
Strength: Quanity

There used to be an old Hot Boys song (the exact one escapes me, although I'm 95% sure it's from the Guerilla Warfare album) that contained the following line.

"Popeyes for the ballers, the ghetto eattin' Church's"

Now you have to understand, while on the surface that line clearly indicates that niggas with money are taking themselves to Popeyes, if you stop and think about it, the people who have harder times are setting themselves up to survive for a bit. (Random Negro Theorycrafting FTW!)

Ok seriously though, Church's chicken. Used to (and kind-of still is) known for their ridiculously big chicken. Like, they probably gave their chickens steroids before they threw them in the fryer, it makes no sense. They're so big. And then they have relatively low (or equal) prices to many other chains? If you're looking to get a lot of chicken for a little money, take yourself to Church's.

The thing that really put Church's on the map to me was when they designed one of the most busted deals in the entire fast food game.

Two Piece Tuesdays.

On tuesday, you can go to Church's and get 1 thigh and 1 leg for 99 cents. No you don't get a side, biscuit, or a drink, but you get TWO pieces of chicken for 99 cents. Now, I want you to stop and think about that for a second. Two pieces of chicken for 99 cent. 4 for 1.98. 10 for 4.90. 10 FOR FOUR-NINETY. You stop at a gas station on the way home and pick up a 2-liter soda and you just fed a family of 5 for about 6 bucks. THAT'S BROKE.

The only real flaw Church's has is the quality. Many people comment on the dryness of a piece of Church's. And that's true. It's not really the "juicy, tender" chicken you would expect from ... well hell, from ANYWHERE else, really (save maybe 90's Hardees, lol), but it's completley edible. It's actually good.

I actually base alot of my tuesdays around pickin up a few 2 Piece Tuesdays.

#3: Popeyes
Strength: Quality

Popeyes is one of the chicken places that kinda slides by alot of people. No (ridiculously) great deals, no wide open menu. Either you like it or you dont.

But the one thing you have to understand about Popeyes is that it has that S-Rank chicken. Dunno how, dunno why. It just does. If you're NOT a fan of KFC chicken, then you're probably on Popeyes.

I guess that Katrina took everything from Louisiana except for the chicken recipe.

... yeah I really don't have a whole lot to say about popeyes.

I will say this, though. Cajun Rice is a beast side item. Enough to get it's own lil' shoutout.

#4: Bojangles
Stength: The Tea

Ok, I don't really have a whole lot to say about Bojangles either. The chicken is very acceptable (I mean, Church's is the low and that's still good. So everything else is above average), the sides are ok...~~ Actually, no, they have some good fries. Noteworthy fries.

But the thing I like about 'em the most is the tea. Now, I'm mentioning this as a bystander, but I've witnessed some nonsense go on with Bojangles Sweet Tea.

One of their menu items is a half gallon of tea. And it goes for like.. a buck something (a ridiculously good price). The thing that makes this broken is that if you dine in, you can somehow GET A REFILL. (Shoutouts to Alternate275 for having the nerve to try this midtrip and succeeding.

Mindgames.

#5: Zaxby's
Strength: Class

Now, if you know Dogysamich, then you're probably wondering why this f'n place gets any mention. "Dogy hates Zaxby's, wtf is this?" You damn right I hate Zaxby's. I still call this the most soulless chicken establishment in USA, but even a place a White as Zaxby's serves an important use to the chicken game.

And actually, this extends beyond the chicken game into the ballin' status. For whatever reason, Zaxby's seems to be the only chicken place that is thought of as a "high end" resturant. Moreso than the forementioned Popeyes (for the ballers).

Think about it. If you're out hanging with your buddies and you want something fast to eat, Zaxby's isnt exactly the FIRST place to come to your mind. Even though they have a drive through. You have a lady friend with you and you're looking for dinner and a movie? Zaxby's isn't a complete bad choice (not like saying "Hey pretty lady, lets go to KFC. That's a free two-and-out").

No, Zaxby's has a little bit of class to it that lets it serve as a psuedo higher end resturant for your quick "classy" needs. It's not a straight sit-down resturant such as your Ruby Tuesdays and Applebees, but it's not on Countin' Change tier like Taco Bell or Jack-in-the-Box.

Zaxby's can be used to get good reads on people, as well. Real happy to come to Zaxby's, kinda wow'd by the prices? You've got a lower-income person on your hands who normally aims for the bottom side of the price spectrum when they dine out. Just another quick fling, few wings or strips and we out? Probably rollin' with somebody who chills in that range or higher, and Zaxby's is really just another place to them.

In the end, Zaxby's is really a gauge in disguise for learning some things about people in some weird ways.

.... yeah I know I'm BSing.

^_^

#6: Chick-Fil-A
Strength: Breakfast

Yet another wild one on the list, but not a hated one at all. I just don't talk about Chick-Fil-A often because that was one of my main eating spots in college (so it died a terrible death).

Chick-Fil-A is a mindgame of a chicken resturant. It serves chicken, but NOTHING on the bone (iirc). Has a lil bit of a variety, but not wide enough to really be noticed (seriously. Sandwiches, nuggets, strips... what else? lol). Most people get fries (waffles fries... so goooooooood ###), so it has a burger-joint feel. But in the end, it still meets the qualifications of entering the chicken game.

It's kinda like the black guy who lives in Maine. He's still black by all rights and standards, but everything about him is kinda... off. (LOL)

But what does Chick-Fil-A bring to the game?

Breakfast. Yes, breakfast.

Understand that I am not a morning person, and I am less of a breakfast person. Yeah I know it's important and all, but I just dont do it very often. However, if somebody throws the idea of Chick-Fil-A in my face, it's very hard to turn down.

Top-Notch chicken biscuits, and then the chicken minis (which are just mini biscuits, lol). They're sooooo good. ... AND THEY'RE OPEN FOR BREAKFAST. So if you wake up in the morning, at a real hour and not no bum-tier 11AM or later, and you have a craving for chicken, Chick-Fil-A's got you covered.

Beyond that, the chicken sandwiches are pretty good, but they're not so amazing they'll take the game over or anything. Enough people are doing chicken sandwiches right now that it actually knocks Chick-Fil-A down to their level.

The one huge flaw that chick-fil-a has is that it's closed on sunday. That is a horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible decision.

Why? Because for whatever fucking reason, Chick-Fil-A always sounds like an awesome idea on sunday. Especially for breakfast. So start getting ready to get Chick-Fil-A for the first time in months (maybe years), wash the face, throw the clothes on, etc etc, grab the keys, and start making your way out the door and you're like "Sunday Paper~~... WAIT CHICK-FIL-A IS CLOSED ON SUNDA~~MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN". Then you go to BK and get a crissosant and go about your morning. :(

or maybe that's just me.

Regardless, it's not open on Sunday. Any place that's consistantly closed on an entire day loses a lot of credibility in my books.

There are some other places I could mention, but I don't really care to. Places such as Mrs. Winners, Wings and Things (Wings and Things rapes), Publix Chicken (one of my tourney day survival packs), and many other places, but they just don't bring enough to the table to merit any mention. If I left one of your places out, I'm sorry...

... sorry they don't bring enough to get some recognition! LOL. TELL 'EM TO MAN UP.

____

And with that, we are done with yet another Chapter in the WTF-random guide to "Teach Me How to Dogy."

Thanks, and catch you next time!

^_^